Saturday afternoon

Well the snow has stopped for now anyway. While learning my new normal I started to paint the one bedroom from a yellow Beth picked out. I don't think she is really pleased with the color. One reason why I seem to never be able to go with her when the paint is picked out. It was a new difficult to work with trying to paint and bend with a twist. You know all those simple little things we do everyday without thinking? I told two of my classes that this week as we are learning about the brain in two of my psychology classes. I was explaining to them the neuro connections and how every little movement we do has these connections working properly.

Finished the preparations of the room trimming off the primary color and saw the driveway. I always did the driveway myself with my snow blower and I am anal about it I admit it. Picky, very picky when I do it. Not being able to move easily I hired a person to plow it who came 'highly' recommended. Well he does less than my two car wide driveway and he has managed to dig up my asphalt at the very end where it meets with the road. I knew he was not going to come today as we only had about three to four inches (though by contract he agreed to). So out I went and started the blower up, as I was doing the snow at the road and curb area I stepped in water. With the temperature being in the high 30's the snow is melting also and as I would snow blow I would step in the four inches of water and slush with my mesh sneakers. COLD! Why do I have sneakers on? Because I cannot get my left foot in and out of my hunting boots I have worn for the last thirty five years. The left foot does not bend up and down to angle it into the nor out of the boot. I will buy new ones this fall in preparation for next winter. So I kept stepping in the freezing water and clearing it away and finally did. It is nice and clear now and that makes me happy.

All in all it is a nice day. My left leg is a sore and I know it will get better as long as I take care of it. Put some heat on it and rest it. Do things in moderation, moderation. Right now it is snowing at a nice rate so oh well. I fail to understand why people who live in this area act like it is a strange occurrence. Like it does it every year so all should be use to it, expect it' Over all life is good and I am still learning and will be for some time to come.

Snowy Day...

Hello, well yes we got a dumping of snow between last night and this morning which was 17" for us. I was able to some snow blowing today to clear the driveway up nice for Beth. The person who plows as I cannot do it all on my own came about 4 am and again at 11 am. It was good and I liked the driveway being nice and clear so she wouldn't slip on any snow or ice. Like I should talk seeing how I am the one who seems to fall lately. I think it was good exercise for me though and I was smart about it doing it in stages and not all at once. My left leg in the quad area is still sore though not as much as the other night. My physical therapy definitely played a role in it. The quad area [ I have learned these muscles from my physical therapist] is injured from my one fall about two weeks ago. I smashed it on the curb when I fell and I guess I must have done a good job on it. My therapy visit I did the bike for a mile, did the weight lifts on my left leg, and other exercises which I guess was a bit much. Hopefully tonight will be a much quieter night and a restful one. I am still learning my new ways of life though as my left foot keeps hitting various objects when I move it. Tonight we are suppose to get more snow and I am ready for it. I plan on staying warm and prepping for next week. I also got some news from one of the children that a friend fainted at work and was found to have a brain tumor. I can relate to the sudden realization of finding out and my prayers are with her and her family. God Bless.

Late at night

Well like I say it is late at night and I cannot sleep. Usually if I couldn't sleep it was something on my mind, too wound up or something like that but not this time. This time my left leg just hurts and it has the last few nights when I lay down to rest. I am not sure why it hurts so, is it the pushing to get the neurons connected again so the leg will move hopefully a little more on its own before time runs out. Maybe I am just walking and moving too much, I did shovel some of the driveway today. Snow is moving in and it was warm so I want the driveway clear so Beth won't fall. Like I never do, right? LOL! Anyways I never was one to try and analyze what I was doing to cause something like this. It is also not like there is some place to go where there is a detailed list or support group to ask others who have had the same issues. What I do know is that being after midnight I would love to go to sleep being that I have to get up in less than six hours and teach my great students, our leaders of tomorrow. Well enjoy and I will try again......

Home at last I am home!

Wow what a week it has been. I apologize for not updating too much for the last six days but I was out of town. Being out of town means the house was unoccupied and with our great new technology I was not about to say I was not at home. Where was I you ask? I had the privilege of visiting the grand daughter, little Miss Molly. It was a pure joy. Well honestly not all was joyful but she made it a joy. Traveling was a bit worse than before, maybe the heightened security. They use to swab my sneaks, my brace and then my hands all separate and run them through the machine after I did a walk through and I was good to go. Now they make me take the second shoe on the good leg off for x-ray purposes, swab me down, pat me down 'very firmly' and then wand me all over. My head makes their hand wand go off so I warn them ahead of time.

It was so nice to play with Molly, she has NO idea of my leg being an issue for me. We played dolls and shopping with a little bit of cooking in the kitchen. It was fantastic! Bringing me my cane to walk with, sometimes walking with it herself to imitate me. Always taking care of Pa Pa [as she calls me] and she is not three years old yet. The one thing I could not do was hop though, she wanted to hop and I tried to hop on the sidewalk with her but there was no way.

I wish I could say adults were as wonderful as Molly was but they are not. I had people cut in front of us in lines of the airport among other things. Why is it we forget to be children and be carefree not in such a hurry or always having to win when some of us become adults? I know it makes me think..... I also am very tired.

air travel again

Well once again I got to experience air travel and yet again it was quite an experience. I won't bore anyone with the details but it was still unique. Then there was the gps to use when we were traveling at our new destination. It once told us we had arrived at our destination while we were on an eight lane highway with NO exits near by at all. I did get a chance to drive though and it was a new and somewhat enjoyable experience. Well just a quick update.

Another weekend

Ever have a day when you have such great plans for the day and they do not happen? A real turn down day and I guess that is good as I could use the rest to let my left leg heal. I had planned on finishing up the painting in a bedroom but accomplished nothing of the sort. I really am not happy that my physical therapy was put on hold because every day means so much to my recovery. I get no therapy next week as my therapist is out of town so that is two weeks with none. I could do some on my own but my leg is not strong enough to endure the exercises. I am reminded by someone else though that I can do more damage than help if I work it too soon.

What a special DAY!

What a day this was, from start to finish. My foot was feeling much better however my hip was still quite sore after a night of heat. Making the venture to downtown once again to campus Beth pulled up to the curb so I could get out. As I opened the door she reminded me in a nice way to be careful as I got out as it was slippery. So I opened the door I swiveled around to step out and made sure I put my feet securely on the sidewalk. As I went to stand up I tried to move a foot so I could stand straight up to walk and my right foot started to slip then the left. The next thing I knew my feet were both starting to fly up and I was going down 'again'. I ended up sitting on the sidewalk after banging the back of my head against the car. I couldn't believe it, two days in a row.

The great thing is that was only the beginning of one of the most interesting and unusual days I have had in a long time. I was suppose to give my one class a test and somehow the copying order got messed up and no test. The students didn't mind that at all, and so we talked and class went great. I tutored some students and prepped for my last class.

As I was walking to my last class I turned down a hallway and as I was walking I noticed a woman standing sideways looking at something on the wall. When I was about two feet from her she turned to face me and began to walk by me going the other way. I smiled and she looked back at me and smiled. Once we had passed by each other I heard her say "God Bless you". I took about two more steps thinking and realizing what she had said and so I turned to look at her. I looked and all I saw was an empty hall. There was no one there she was gone and the next hallway was at least 20 feet away.

I thought about what she had said and had such a wonderful remainder of a day. I am hoping I will break my streak of falling. I will be very careful tomorrow as I venture out tomorrow. I could not think of anything else to describe today other than special and I smile just thinking about it. :-)

A new dance move ? ? ?

Well actually it isn't a dance move though it probably could be. Though it may not be compared exactly with the 'moonwalk' it is my unique step. What step? Well I will explain. As Beth was dropping me off for my teaching this morning I got out as normal and reached into the back seat for my case and lunch bag. With a city bus pulling up I attempted to hurry a little bit and as I quickly tried to step back i could not. My balance is not good as I have said and it is at its worse when I try to step backwards. So stage set I try to step back and lose my balance and I tried to regain it. The big city bus waiting right behind Beth's Saturn was an incentive to not go down. Well I did a few three steps sideways. followed by a complete spin followed by my bottoming out.

I ended up face down on the sidewalk / curb on Main Street. I fell fairly hard and twisted my ankle and smashed my left hip into the curb. I wasn't wearing my brace because I had my electrical STIM unit on to use because I had physical therapy later on. With no brace that is why my ankle twisted, which I get x-rayed tomorrow to make sure all is OK. Beth was asking through the rolled down window if I was OK. As is in the male genes I replied I was fine, no damage, no hurt and no pain. I was fine and she could go. A passer by, gentleman, stopped and asked me if I was OK and actually without his assistance I do not know if I could have been able to stand up.
He was so nice and asked me repeatedly if I was sure I was OK. I think he could see the hurt in my face.

I tried to teach and I did make it through all three classes but ended up home on the couch with ice on my ankle and hip area. I call this my dance move because I did the same thing about one and a half weeks ago. I guess in some ways I am still learning after seven months, maybe I am slow I don't know. It was nice to have a good Samaritan stop and help me as he did though. This falling is getting to be a too common experience. How do I learn that I do not have balance, something I have lived with for fifty two years and now I have to tell myself mentally "You do not have the ability to step backwards"? It is a normal function that we do everyday, over and over without any thought at all. Problem is I have to learn that I cannot do everything I use to do without thought, now I must think. Sounds odd to me, now I have to think. I thought I always thought but now I have to make special effort to think of things I still assume I can do.

With my sore body I was unable to do my physical therapy today which also bothered me. :-( So I would like to be able to say I have retired my dance career but my fear is it will resurface on its own. I have been saying since the first day home from the hospital, I have to be careful.

What a day.

I hope everyone likes the new pictures I posted on my blog. I thought what a great comparison to show how I looked a could of days after surgery and then how I looked a few months ago. What a change there is, I still remember the right side of my face swollen all bruised up, the bandages and such. It has been a wild and interesting journey to say the least. That being said today was a nice day. I did some painting in one of the rooms using some new scaffolding I bought and it worked great.

I am beginning to notice though that some fail to realize or think about disabilities with people. Like some just 'assume' I can reach, bend or do some other activity. Reality is my balance and stability is not like it was. With my left leg slightly paralyzed and not having stability someone assuming I can reach a distance and open a car or truck door with ease is wrong. It makes me realize that those who I have encountered I to made assumptions. It is so easy to put out your arm, reach and stretch while maintaining your balance unless of course that balance is off like mine. I love the fact that I can still do and accomplish things.

There is so much life out there yet so little understanding sometimes.

Keeping up on keeping up

Wow, what a few days it has been. I had some physical therapy yesterday and Andy like usual decided to mix things up a bit. I wore my portable STIM device to help me walk so he could use it in my therapy and that was for the better. When it got to doing my exercises he added weight and repetitions to my already grueling routine. I really appreciate this because time is no longer on my side. The doctors have told me I only have between twelve months and if real lucky another six after that. Usually they give a year but it is possible. So being the surgery was a little over six months ago the time is ticking away as to how much more recovery I will make. I am not worried though really I am not. Anyway back to my therapy, Andy had me do my lifting my leg by bending it up backwards toward my back and I can but letting it down is like a ton of bricks falling. No matter how hard I tried I could not control the muscles to slow it down. Maybe in time. Then he wanted me continue on lie on my stomach and bend the leg back and then swing it to the left and the right. Well with some help I could do it, actually Andy did the moving I tried. So what does this all mean? As Beth so happily says so many times [sometimes I really dread hearing it] "well it is what it is". Acceptance, that is what it is plain and simple.

I will be using a cane to assist me in my walking from now on, how much will I need it for balance is questionable but I will need it. My brace, well I am at a point where I am realizing that I will be using the brace to help support myself standing and walking. I will also use the portable STIM device to help me walk without the brace but I still will need the cane to protect my balance. The possibility exists that I am 100% wrong and in six months I will not need a brace or STIM device. Reality is though I look back at the progress I've made and unless something drastically changes in my recovery cane and brace are my new friends. I can easily learn and am learning that they are my companions and that is fine with me. Though a burden in someways I will learn to make the most of it and enjoy all that I have and I do have so much.

My classes have been going quite well too. I have some 'interesting' students again to make it interesting. Some might think my biggest problem or issue is with walking or the assistance I need. A problem I face, not have, is others and their lack of understanding. A simple example is when someone pulls up to pick me up the distance between the curb and car could create a huge problem for me. Add to that ice, snow and slush along with my inability to balance. All together I will be working off balance to reach and try to do simple everyday tasks that people do I cannot. I guess in a way I do not live up to some people's expectations and unfortunately I cannot. It is ok that they feel that way though and I will learn to be accepting to that as with the other things in my life. I don't want to make the blog too long so I will end but I am feeling the need to write and explain to people look beyond yourself. Maybe that has to do with my profession of psychology and being a psychologist.

time

Time is so good and life is so grand. I wore my portable stim machine all last week and it was fantastic being able to walk like a regular person. I just loved each day and what it brought. I am by no means saying my week was perfect and had no bumps, there were plenty of bumps. I guess I just figured I would go over it knowing that life would smooth out again and be good. Seeing my clients and helping others what an inspiration. This past weekend I stripped wall paper off one of the bedrooms upstairs which felt fantastic to accomplish something. Of course when I was done and a few hours passed the pain set in. My ankle hurt which I think was from all the standing on it I did and twisting and turning. Who would have thought? Not me. Well I rested and tried to rehab my leg and foot back. I also decided to wear my brace this week which was good because my foot feels so much better. I stop and think how six months ago I was moving about 8 inches at a time with a walker and now I am walking fairly well. I also got a phone call from someone who lives about 6000 miles yes 6000 away from me. They called to tell me that what I had been through and the recovery I have made was an inspiration to them. How fantastic is that? It is not to say look what I did or see how they like my accomplishments but rather what God has done in my life has touched someone THAT far away. Using my experience and growth that way, that is just plain awesome to me. I really feel humbled by it. I also forget how I need to write things down still to remember them. A very special friend of mine was suppose to meet with me for lunch well actually I was meeting with them. Well Phil forgot completely and I felt terrible about it. They were very forgiving but I felt so bad as they are very special. Another bump but life will level out........