Hard Days Night

Well last night was not so restful yet again. I am still getting use to this interrupted sleep pattern I experience. Well I made it 11 days not hitting my head, yes you guessed I did it today 'again'. Same place that I hit before and before. What are the odds of hitting your head in the same exact spot every time? My classes went well and I am becoming acclimated to the new Phil teaching. I am hoping to get a nice rest tonight. I was lucky to have some lunch with friends today. One thing I have come to realize is how many friends I truly have and are willing to be there to help me out. I am Blessed.

A Day In The Life. . . . .

Rain is still here, cool temperatures still here, front is still here, headaches still here. I know this may sound off but will I think I have a headache when I don't and then it will only be in my head. LOL! I am getting good at putting my leg [AFO] brace on and putting my shoe on. I never realized how hard it is to participate in life, work and errands, without the ability to drive yourself. I am VERY grateful to all of you who drive me. I do like seeing the different habits people have and I enjoy just being able to watch others on the road and not have to worry. Another plus is I can use my cell phone to call or text without any issues. I did come home from teaching my classes very tired and fell asleep for TWO hours. I did some prep work for school and clients tomorrow but I am still wiped out. I think this is the hardest part to get use to, even if I want to go or plan on it my body says "It is not going to happen". I will say I am beginning to listen more and obey. Still I will exercise and do what I can going forward. This is my longest safety period going, and I will continue to be aware and careful to continue it.

Its Just another day. . . .

Well Monday, teaching and physical therapy. Last night was not so restful, Beth seems to think and I agree, that this weather change and all increases my headaches. Unlike before my stubbornness on resisting medications is lowering and I am giving in. LOL! I need to rest and this cold wet weather will not be my friend. Andy who does my physical therapy now worked me hard, doing the exercises and stimulation. With help I saw my left foot move, that gives me such hope. I have ten days in a row without a fall. It is amazing to me how I see more helpfulness in younger people sometimes than I do in the adults. Tonight we went to the grocery store and four adults stood in the door way just chatting making it very difficult for me to get through. Even though they could clearly see I had a cane and did not walk well. One thing God is teaching me is a lot of things I took for granted, not fearing electrical cords on the floor, how the height of something makes a difference, somethings cannot be rushed [walking with a cane and unresponsive leg]. I had a student who was said she was having a bad day because she missed the bus and had to walk in the rain. While I admitted that was not the best we both realized that at least she has the ability to 'walk' while some do not. It is amazing how many little things we can take for granted in life, well how many I seem to have taken for granted.. Blessings

September 27th

It is hard to believe that it has been two months since my surgery. I tried to have a restful day to day. I woke up and the muscle's of the leg felt tired but I exercised the leg today. My toes, which they call 'clawed' are pulled down and back with constant tension. It is hard to get use to the constant tension of the toes. My progress has really slowed down from where it was but I am still making progress. Yesterday morning I was able to pick my left foot up and clear the tub to put it flat on the floor. I have been unable to do that prior. The height is about 18 inches, so progress is progress. The headaches remain but Beth reminds me of the change in weather and that it could be a cause. Thank you for the continued prayers.

Friday September 25th

Yesterday went well with teaching and clients. Well finally the weekend is here. To start with I had a client to begin my day and then off to my physical therapy. Therapy was nice and very encouraging. I am so glad that I switched therapists, this one works me trying to strengthen my leg muscles and uses electrical stimulation to stimulate the muscles to life. I love seeing the muscles react indicating that there is still life and connection there. Later on I went to a men's retreat gathering at church titled "Letters from Dad". It was awesome and I am eager for tomorrow when it finishes up. It has been a long week as my sleep has been only about an hour and a half at a time before waking up and then back for my next hour and a half. The doctor told me that many use a recliner for sleeping up to the first four to six months after surgery. I may try it if it doesn't get easier soon.

Sept 23rd

Well today was most interesting. They decided there was a need to have a fire drill at the beginning of my second class. Problem? Well my class was on the top floor, the elevators are shut off and the fire stairs were made in the 50's so they were only about 6" wide. Not having control over my left leg and foot there was not a lot of real estate for my foot to catch. So with ten flights to go I had my work cut out for me. After two flights I almost went face first down the next flight. Well due to that I decided to take it slow and not injure myself for a 'pretend' play time of fire. I told all the students around me to feel free to go around and go ahead. To my surprise they said "No that is ok we will walk with you". I was really surprised that some were at least some care and concern. I did almost fall two more times but made it safely. When I got down and out of the building they ordered us across the street. It is a four lane road one way so traffic was present, being in the heart of the city of Rochester. I was so tired at this point I figured 'hit me but I will go at my pace'. All went well and there was no fire, go figure. I saw clients afterwards and that put my finish to my day. It is nice to help people in life. On the way home Beth stopped for gas and we both agreed that Phil stays in the car. This was the same station I fell at last week . I am determined to stay fall hitting head and bleed free for more than my eight day record.

Tuesday

I am able to pick my left foot up in the air about 6 inches so that is a start. It was not a bad day, headaches and being tired seem to always there. I exercise my toes and stretched my muscles along with doing some exercises to keep working my leg. What I am discovering and will not soon forget is how some people seem to ignore those who may need some assistance. I am learning how a simple thing like an electrical cord on the ground can become a hazard for some, like me. Seeing life through a whole new perspective. Well I guess I will take some med's for my headache and hope for a restful nights sleep. Thank you for the prayers.

Monday Sept 21

Last night was a very restless night and I don't know why. My left leg that is somewhat paralyzed sometimes the muscles hurt and keep me awake. Taught my classes for the day but when I got home I felt tired and so I layed down on the couch. Well you probably guessed it, I was asleep in like twenty mintues and before I knew it 5 o'clock rolled around. I think my gains are a lot slower than before, but so be it I will take them no matter how small. A gain is a gain.

Sunday

Well thankfully the weekend was quiet, for that I am grateful. I tried to take it easy and watch what I was doing to keep my head safe. LOL! I was able to do some more work around the house, finishing up the pool for winter and all. I found out that after about twenty minutes I tire out and need a break. Beth and I had a lot of activities to do and I discovered that as my surgeon said I will experience periods of suddenly feeling tired and I still do. It is hard to try and explain to some people how I can suddenly start to feel tired. I am so thankful to all those who are open to giving me rides so I can continue my life helping others and getting my needed help. Well off to another week of teaching and I actually get to administer my first tests this week to all my classes too.

Friday September 18th

Well, after falling yesterday and cutting my head open yet again, I rested a bit last night and sleeping in a bit this morning. My head still hurt a bit this morning as I worked on prepping for my classes next week. I also went to my physical therapy visit which is with the one I was seeing before anyone knew of the brain tumor. It was great to be back and the therapy was challenging and rewarding. Just what I wanted and was praying for. We went out and say the new movie The Informant then home for some food. As we were leaving the movie I noticed some others leaving and I had to share the handrail with some other elderly people leaving. The difference was they were at least twenty years older. Then a gentleman at least ten years older than me assisted me twice in different ways. As I walked to the car I thought of the 'reality' I have in front of me. I may actually need different types of assistance, I have never planned on being in this position at this age in life. I think of the magnet Beth has saying "We plan and God laughs", not to say God laughs at our situation but that we can be foolish to plan and should be open to God. I am going to continue to work hard with Andy [my new pt] and on my own time but I am now looking that where I am at and what capabilities I have may be all I will have. As I said I am grateful that people like that gentleman are willing to help me, it is just that for all my life I have always been the strong one to help others and now I am on the receiving end. It is difficult to adjust with this new normal in front of me. Above all though I will not lose sight of the fact that God is Blessing and He has Blessed me and I am grateful. I will learn and enjoy as I learn and grow into the life.

Thursday

Well today started out great. I taught my classes and then off to the office for clients. That was good too. I did what exercises I could as I try. We stopped for gas and Beth was going to pump the gas. I thought I would help her to be nice. I opened the door and it would only open a little over half way. I noticed it and commented on it but went forward to get out. Well you guessed it because as I got out of the car to help Beth pump gas I lost my balance and down I went. I tried repeatedly as I was falling to gain balance but I could not. I came close to knocking Beth down too as between gas pumps and auto there was no where for me to grab or balance. I remember thinking as I was falling, "God I am powerless to help myself". I tried so hard while falling to react and recover but I couldn't do it no matter how hard I tried. So I hit my forehead against the car and then the back of head where it was sewn and trying to heal. I started bleeding and Beth checked me out and got me home. I am still learning that the agility I have enjoyed for 52 years is no longer. A hard lesson to learn. The bleeding was not that bad and after some ice along with Vicodin pills I am doing much better. I just cannot get the helpless feeling out of my head of falling down and unable to do anything about it. Blessings.

Long day

Well today was both long and a new learning experience. Classes went well and I did my exercises. The exercises are not all that easy, they are challenging. I did something new for me though which was calling it a day early. I just got too tired and so I actually went forward and called it quits for the day, cancelled an appointment and went home. I have a hard time not being there for other people who truly are asking for help in life. Hard to explain but even more difficult for me to pull back.

September 15

Well what can I say Beth [and some others] think I am pushing myself too much. I am trying to find that balance between all the avenues of my life. Between teaching, therapy, clients and group meetings it is difficult. I am actually seeing that my life was and is very rewarding as I only want to get back to everything I actually enjoy doing. Still I must find a balance, a new normal for me as I know that the current one is still too much for me. I am becoming very determined that I can regain a lot of usage of my leg.

September 14th

Today I decided to call my primary care doctor and switch physical therapist's. The therapist I am going back to is the one who last summer worked with me before they discovered my tumor. His name is Andy and he was primarily the reason I kept what usage I did of my leg. I really believe his concern is for me to re-gain as much use of my leg as possible. I will not give up and give in so easily. Faith is not about giving up but instead asking why not. So I will press on and continue to have faith, one thing I know for 'sure' is that God is always in control no matter the outcome. A very dear and close friend gave me a book while I was in the hospital and I just finished it this past weekend titled "The Shack" and it was fantastic. If you have not read it please I encourage you to do so.

Sunday September 13th

Today was nice, I did my exercises both in the morning and the night. I will not give up nor accept that a short four weeks of rehabilitation is half of my recovery. I was told by my surgeon that it may take 4 to 6 months before we know for sure. I also decided today to try and do some 'normal' activities so I grilled outside as I had before. I have not grilled outside in about three months and it felt great. I hope to rest well tonight as this will be my second full week teaching Monday to Thursday. My exercising was nice and I believe I see improvements and will keep going forward as far as I can. : )

Saturday

Well today had both good points and some not so good. I shared with Beth how I do not want to be negative in my update. Yesterday at my physical therapy visit the head therapist said she sent a discharge date to my doctors for the end of October. Looking at how many more visits that is I am half way through my rehabilitation. My concern is I have less use of my leg than I did before the surgery by far. My thought is if I am half way through and I have only about 25% usage and looking at being released from rehabilitation means I will not re-gain the 80 to 100% use back. Of course there is a piece of me that says "they are giving up" and I am not. I think about my Trans AM and if I cannot move my left foot up, down or to either side then I cannot drive her again. I mentioned this to my therapist and she a few times during our talk pointed out that during surgery there could be damage done to the brain that cannot be undone. So basically accept where I am at, but I am having a real hard time because that means I will not be able to interact with little Molly or other future grand children. :( I keep thinking back to Kate saying a new normal and I am discovering that even yet. Today I trimmed my last eight bushes which felt good to accomplish it but was tiring. I am still exercising my leg and I am trying to get a mind set that is one of "they are under estimating me and my God". If it is His will that I do not gain any more use then I will accept that, but only if that is His will. I will continue to believe that usage of my leg will come back to 80 percent or more. So I hope this report does not seem down as my intent is to look up and forward to living and enjoying life.

Sept 10 Thursday

Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. I can tell you it has been a long week. Teaching my four new classes this week, seeing clients and attending a support group I developed (was going to lead) has been a struggle. It is a lot to deal with and I am seeing that I expect Phil to live up to what he would have been able to provide before the surgery happened. Well I am learning that is not going to be the case as much as I may want it. I guess no matter how determined I might be I can only push my recovery so much. People have been great in coming to my aid in rides. I have my first physical therapy visit tomorrow in about ten days. It will be nice to get some therapy but I am wondering how being away from it will be. I have been told that it may take 6 months to a year for me to re gain usage. I will say that the people around me say that I am doing much better and I am making improvements as far as I can tell. I do know that Kate said I had to learn a new normal and I am constantly learning it. Every time I think about learning a new normal I think of Kate and her saying that to me.

Monday first day of classes

Well my first I am sorry for no updates over the weekend. Saturday night was a terrible night for me. I was up every hour with headache and a nausea feeling, which lasted into almost all of Sunday. That is one reason I did not update then as I spent most of the day resting, taking medication and rehabbing. As stated earlier the doctors warned me of this and it is true. Sunday night was a restful night and Monday was a much better day for me. Beth went out and bought me some new shoes to wear with my brace and after a bit of wiggling we got them to work. They make some specifically for the brace but they cost like $170 and I have a hard time spending that much. I am not sure why I felt so ill Saturday night as I didn't really do anything special to trigger it. Well Beth and I headed out for my first day of classes today. Let me tell you I was a bit nervous as I am teaching at the downtown campus [so Beth drives me because it is one block from her workplace] and I am new to the brace. It was not that easy getting around and all, one professor reminded me, "take your time, they cannot start without you." LOL! How right he is. Kate sent me some encouraging text messages which also helped me in my new role. The two classes went well and I am looking forward to my two classes tomorrow. I will say that back to back classes was a bit draining so I will be even more prepared tomorrow. At least I can come back to my office and hibernate for a bit. I will walk to Beth's office and then home from there. I shared with my students my interesting summer as most noticed my "cool" hair cut, I gotta get it trimmed and evened out. I told the students that normally I am all over the room when I lecture however with this new AFO brace I am a bit more limited in my abilities. It makes me desire all the more to get to a point where I can kick the brace off and not need it anymore.

Saturday September 5th

Well I got my new brace and it works pretty good. My shoes do not fit over it but we can get new ones, Beth has a plan all worked out. I am suppose to wear the brace for a few hours in the early day and a few in the later day increasing the time every day so I get use to it. Well after wearing it for awhile today I actually mowed my front lawn. I had Beth's permission to do so, of course the eagle eye sat on the front porch while I mowed. When I finished I felt so good being able to mow. I know is sounds weird, after having to mow a lawn for thirty some years to actually say it was rewarding to mow. It was one more accomplishment on my road of recovery. I feel so good seeing accomplishments in my walk. My family members tell me I am stubborn which if anyone reading this knew me in the days when I worked in the Union knows I had my moments and now it is paying off. I need to do my exercises more so now especially since my pt is cut back to two days a week. I am looking at next week with mixed emotions as I go to teach. I know it will be challenging, getting to class, meeting over 100 new students, lecturing and coordinating my teachings while attempting to get into a new routine of going downtown with Beth four days a week. I still look back at the lawn and smile with pride of accomplishment, it may sound silly but it means so much. Simple things sometimes in life have so much meaning and we or I miss them much too often. Thank you all so much.

September 3rd

I read the comments and want to thank you as they are so encouraging. So many people want to be nice and tell me how good I look. I mean really my hair displays more geographical regions than a map of the United States. LOL! I must get to my hair stylist and have her even it out as much as possible. My leg is getting stronger though and I work it as much as I can. I work it and sometimes the left foot sits and shakes due to working it. My therapist said it was not a bad thing so I keep going. I am so looking forward to my brace tomorrow and see how much more support it gives me and if the movable joint at the ankle makes a difference for me. There have been some hiccups in our lives but with His help we get through it all. Now as I go forward next week will bring yet another new stage to my life. The teaching, physical therapy, seeing clients and living life. What is a real Blessing in a way is that where I will teach is only one block from where Beth works so not being able to drive I can ride with her in the morning and most afternoons home. As it is said life is an adventure and next week begins a new adventure. Again thank you to those who pray, support and leave me encouraging comments.

September 2

I think Beth is right [don't tell her I said so] that I am doing too much. I realized when I got home tonight and went to take my night time medications that I failed to take my medications this morning. Not very smart on my part. Anyway, no pt today as they canceled on me and so I wait for Friday. I am so looking forward to the new brace because the two I wear now are very restrictive on my leg and compress it. When I took them off tonight the foot sits and has like little tremors. Had a lot of emotional situations today with clients and that took its toll on me too. It is nice to be home and I am looking forward to resting tomorrow. I have to do prep for upcoming activities but I can also get some rest.

September 1

Well it is hard to believe that my surgery was about six weeks ago. I was able to use my hedge trimmers today and trim three of my ten rose of charin bushes and my three lilac bushes. I had to work in twenty minute intervals because of the toll it took on me to do it. What was nice was the feeling of accomplishing some work outside. I think the cooler tempetures helped a little bit too. Bad news is they cancelled my pt appointment for tomorrow but the good news is when I go to my appointment on Friday they will have my brace ready. It will be nice to wear it for a few days before I begin teaching again. Beth thinks I am taking on too much with teaching and seeing clients while doing my pt. I am hoping to work my clients around the schedule. Teaching really seems to give me energy and purpose as I love to see people learn, grasp an idea and learn how to apply something they have learned. My hair is growing in but at different rates so you can imagine how I look. I have different levels in the same area so I need to see my hair stylest so she can fix me up. This way I look nice on my first day of school. I am trying to help as much as I can so I can try and get back to normal as close as possible. I just need to remind myself to go slow and take my time, not all at once. I am actually listening to myself.