Neurologist follow up

Today I had the follow up with my neurologist as we try to get a hold on my pain and sleeping. The muscle relaxants I had worked only for a few hours which happened again last night. My neurologist decided to change my medication from one muscle relaxant to two different medications. He has prescribed one for me to aid me in falling asleep and then a second medication to help me control the pain through out the day. I shared with him how the left leg is like a tooth ache in that it is constant. He asked if it was hurting me then and I pointed to some areas of my leg as to where it hurt and the actions I try to do in an effort to cope. I am hoping that these medications will work. It would be so nice to go to bed each night and know the majority of times I will be able to stay in bed through the night and not have to get up due to pain and muscle spasms. That is very frustrating to me and wearing on me mentally.

On a brighter note I am continuing to clean out junk and sift through stuff for selling soon I hope. I am confident that if it is His Will then I will have a buyer. I will remain open to what God wants me to do at this point. Well actually at every point this is just one more in my life.

Finally done

As I mentioned earlier the stairs are a real enemy for me especially in the early morning or late at night. Early in the morning my leg is not working, I have to like wake it up, so going down the stairs is tricky. In the evening it is difficult to raise the left leg up to go up the stairs due to fatigue. So I wanted to paint the house to sell, I never got siding :(. I had planned on having it painted by the middle of May. Who would have thought here it is the end of July and it is finally finished. Without the help of my brother, Jim, it would still not be completed. I tried going up only two steps on step ladders to reach as much as I could. It is tricky trying to learn a new center of balance when the left leg is mostly paralyzed. I tried to take my time and be real careful until last Thursday when I fell, bruising some ribs. I guess ladders are one more add to my list of new evils. It is so nice to have the house done and I will admit it looks pretty.

I am trying to use my pool as much as possible for therapy too by kicking the leg. I need to do more and more exercises or the leg will lose muscle mass and agility that I have.

Sunday

Well last night was the first night in almost two weeks that I actually slept in my bed for the entire night. It was actually quite nice to be able to wake and go back to sleep again. My back is still sore but getting better so that is a good thing. I have two doctor appointments this week so I am hoping between the two of them at least one can come up with an idea for me to be mostly pain free during my nights. My physical therapy has also ended and I have noticed my leg getting stiff with less movement. I was hoping that with my activities around the house would work to keep my left leg in muscle shape. Unfortunately I have noticed the leg muscles getting tighter and my movement getting worse. With our great medical coverages wanting to stop paying for my therapy they say it must stop. So today I have decided to start to discipline myself to do my own therapy because if I don't my leg is going to get worse and there will be more atrophy to the leg.

Late Night

Well it was true my back was really sore today, the day after falling off the ladder. I was only a few steps up the ladder too but with no control thus flexibility on my left side I fall like a sack of sugar. Usually the leg is what will wake me up but as luck would have it my back is making it hard to sleep. There are some doctor appointments next week so I am praying that maybe they can change some medications and help me to sleep and control the muscle pain in my left leg. I do know that mentally it is very draining. . . .

One Year

It was one year ago today that I lay on an operating table while they took the tumor out of my brain. What an interesting year it has been too. I have so many people telling me, "Look how far you have come" and I honestly do not see it. I guess one reason why is because I am so busy going forward I don't take time to stop and look around. When I do reflect I see how much I have done and accomplished in one year. To think that a year ago Dr Pilcher cut my skull off and went into my brain and here I am living life again is amazing in so many ways.

Now onto today. In my efforts to get this monster of a house painted so I can sell it I am so close to finishing I thought I would put efforts into painting. It is so close to being done I wanted to get into it. I had just bought a new aluminium 6 foot step ladder for safety too. Well I did pretty good and I 'thought' I could reach a bit further extending out to the left. I started to lose my balance and with my left leg having a mind of its own, it would not listen to me when I was telling it to bend and balance back. So as if in slow motion I fell to the left side and went down. Damage control was done after I finished falling and I had hit my back which was hurt and marked up but other than that I was good to go. I could say I am still learning my new normal but I think really it is trying to learn to accept what my new limitations are. Either way I am so grateful for today and the ability to paint and enjoy the day. I did take a dip in the pool afterwards to cool off and it worked wonderfully. I cannot swim around at all like I use to but it is nice and enjoyable and great for exercise.

On a last note the medication for helping me sleep and take care of the leg muscles seems to be working less and less. Last night I was up from 12:30 am til 3 in the morning before I was able to get back to sleep. I called my neurologist and he said we have an appointment set up in another week so we will look at it then. I guess for now I will suffer through each night and get what sleep I can. I do know when I awoke this morning I was real tired so maybe I will take some afternoon naps.

End of a weekend

The weekend was more of a rehabilitation than anything else. I think, actually I know, I must have pushed a little bit too much. I am nursing my left ankle and both calf muscles back to health. I am still learning my new normal, I guess. Life is going on and so am I to the best of my ability. The difference is my ability is not what it was and never will be. I know at least the MRI's are spread out more to see when the tumor decides to make its return. Over all it was a great weekend though, I saw Inception which was a great movie with a neat psychological aspect. My plan now that I am legal to drive is to take my Trans AM out for a spin and enjoy her with some music playing, in sunshine 'of course'. I am hoping to take the next six weeks and spend a lot of time just relaxing and enjoying some sunshine.

One Day Later

Well it has been one day since I pushed myself to go up three steps on a ladder to paint yesterday and I am still suffering. I was up for about two hours in pain last night from my legs. The muscles in the calf area is what hurts on both legs. I think the right one hurts so much because I was tensing the muscle up to keep my balance. I was hoping that by this time the pain would go away but it hasn't. I guess I am still learning what is new for me and learning how I cannot push like I use to do. Even if the push is for good it is may not be the healthiest thing for me to be doing. I am praying for a restful night tonight. I was hoping to drive my Trans AM today but the legs were so sore I could not chance it. On a brighter note we went to see Inception with Leonardo "you know who" and it was a fantastic movie.

Only one night

Well Tuesday night was a restful night as I was able to sleep the whole night through in bed. I woke up four times but was able to just go right back to sleep. I was hoping against hope that I might squeeze a second night in of sleep but that was not to be. I did do some more painting on the house today and then in the pool to cool off. I am learning how to balance on a ladder going up a few steps but trying NOT to push it. I have a constant fear of falling and hurting my head.

I am LEGAL

It has been a long, long year but the date has finally arrived that New York State demands. See New York is one of only a few states that puts a time limit on when you can drive after suffering seizures. They demand you wait one full year and today is my one year anniversary of my last seizure, hallelujah! I can drive and not have to bother anyone for rides. So it is nice to be seizure free and to drive. I did some painting on the house again, I have moved on to some trim. I have painted as much as I can on the house so now I move on to trim. What is nice is afterwards I use the pool to cool off and exercise my leg. It is nice to have the pool to stretch and exercise my leg. Mowing and doing some painting only makes the muscles more tense than they already are. I am hoping that tonight will be a restful night all the way through. I have not had a full nights sleep since last Friday.

Sleepless in Rochester

Last night I failed to take my medication, actually I purposely did not take the muscle relaxants to help me sleep because I thought I could go without. Well at 1:30 am after putting up with the pain, tossing and turning and inability to fall asleep due to the leg having constant spasms I took the medication I was suppose to take earlier. I finally fell asleep and managed to steal about four hours of sleep. Learning my lesson I took the medication tonight and I fell asleep for two hours but then I awoke to leg pain and spasm again. So I sit here at quarter to two in the morning and cannot sleep due to the leg pain. Seeing how my neurologist told me I am at the end of the road for rehab I am praying my nights are not going to be this way as the norm. It seems that I seem to have more bad than good nights by far.

July heat

Well these 90 degree days really take a toll on my condition and me. I tried to paint some of the house yesterday and it was tough. It has to get painted so I am poking along at it piece by piece. I have to sell this house because the steps are a lot for me to handle. I never ever figured I would be saying that for at least another fifteen years anyway. I mean if it doesn't sell I will find a way to cope. I was able to use my pool for the first time and exercise my leg in the water. I am hoping to do some more tomorrow.

Today I had a client who suffers from MS and when talking about the way they walk she said she doesn't walk like.... She paused reflecting before saying "I'm sorry but I would say normal people." I looked over at my cane and said to her, "I completely agree because I do not walk like normal people at all." She is really suffering with fear of MS and not being normal so I tried to reassure her that whatever her capabilities are, like mine, are normal just a new normal.

Funny but I moved out of my big office and waiting room into a small one room so I could cut back on my private practice. Why is it then that I have more people of new clients calling me than I normally do? I mean is God trying to tell me something and I am missing the message? I know I needed to scale back but there has to be a reason for the pick up in clients. So not knowing what the plan is I will stay open to whatever door God happens to put in front of me. I hope I do not miss it.

On a last note my neurologist put me on some new muscle relaxant medications to help me sleep at night. My nights have been getting bad with headache and leg/muscle pains. He wanted to start me on the muscle relaxants first. The first two nights they seemed to work well but the last four nights have been horrible. I have been up to at least 2 in the morning with pain in my left leg making it unbearable for me to sleep. As Beth says though it is what it is so I will take it one step at a time. Tomorrow I will call the doctor and report in and see what he says. I guess this is a lot to report as there is a lot going on.

One Year

Just a few days more than one year ago I was lying in a hospital bed at Strong Hospital after being told of my tumor. What a year it has been too. A lot has occurred in all areas of my life since that news and it has changed in so many ways. The surgery, recovery, therapy, pushing myself to work at teaching and seeing clients. Then there was the overload that I experienced which meant cutting back and so now my practice is cut back to at least one third of what it once was. I know without a doubt that God has led me down the path to help people in my practice, so why am I forced to cut it back? Honestly I have absolutely no idea why but I do know without a doubt that there is a reason and He has a plan I just don't know what it is. I do know that I will try to remain open as to where it leads. In preparation to sell the house I have been able to put two coats on about one fourth of it so far. It is hard, challenging but I am able to do it it just takes time and a few adjustments on how. I have found out that is the case for most things in my life today I have to adjust to be able to do them and of course some I simply cannot do and that too is ok.

I did have an appointment with my neurologist yesterday which went ok. I shared about my nights be interrupted sleep mostly due to leg pains and headaches. He talked to me about taking a medication to help relax some of my muscles including my leg. The left leg does muscle spasms due to the damage that was done. Sometimes late at night the leg is tired and will spasm at night keeping me awake. I took the medicine last night and it seemed to work to help me sleep. The night is still a bit interrupted but better for one night anyway. I am actually getting use to the feeling of it constantly being asleep and unable to move. My neurologist also indicated that my physical therapy may be ending indicating my recovery has reached its peak.

Summer day

Well today I administered my last test for my summer course and officially began my summer vacation. I plan on doing my practice only one day a week now cutting it back due to my health reasons. It was hard (work wise) to move out of my old office and into the new one. It is a bit smaller but it fits for where I am at in life. I seem to have no shortage of clients though. My foot still becomes painful about three hours after my brace has been on. I do know I am tired and it seems or feels impossible to catch up. My energy level does not last all day. I was hoping it would come back but it has not so I guess it is here to stay, like my headaches, leg muscles hurting and all. Sound a bit negative but really it is positive because I am here and after a visit with little Molly it is worth it ! ! ! !