Learning a new 'new'

As I have said many times I am learning new ways to live life on a regular basis. This past weekend was no different. Today was the day to travel home from visiting the grand daughter. The flight there was interrupted and we had to rent a car to drive so we could reach our destination. That being said when we checked into the airport in Milwaukee they told us we were taking a bus ride to Chicago. The ride was a nice ninety minutes long. Then once checked in and ready to board we got the same message as two days earlier, "Cancelled". They said we were re-booked only to find out we were not re-booked on anything. One of my main problems is my leg with the brace becomes very painful and in the situation like today there is nothing I can do. The pain today really got to me and realized travel will be a limited luxury in the future.

Great Day

Well we had our luggage finally delivered so I no longer had to live in the same clothes at yesterday. Best of all was a full day of Molly which started off with the park this morning and ended up with ice cream in the park. I love it.

Never a dull moment

Off to Milwaukee to see Molly for the first time in four months. I was so excited as she is an inspiration to me. We landed in Chicago and only had one hour before our next flight to our destination. When the time was to board they came on the pa system and said "the flight to Milwaukee is cancelled and everyone will need to find a phone to rebook, thank you". Stunned we found one of these black phones and were told by the agent at the other end, we were rebooked for Friday afternoon to Milwaukee and we would arrive at 4:30 pm. We are driving time only about an hour away and we are going to wait almost 24 hours to fly for 20 minutes? That was insane. Beth and I headed off to take it one step at a time. We obtained our refund for the last flight, proceeded to baggage claim to obtain our luggage and then a rental car. Baggage claim of American told us that our luggage would be in on the later flight and they would deliver it OR it will wait til the morning flight. She confided that most likely it would be in the morning. Last step was to rent a car so I called National and they informed me that all rentals at the Chicago airport were taken and such was the case with the next. Suddenly a gentleman standing near me heard me say I was on the flight cancelled from Milwaukee and asked me that same question. I told him we were and he informed me we were. He said he had already rented a car from Avis and could ride with him. He was like an angel. He drove us to the Milwaukee airport so we could be picked up. We had great conversation getting to know each other and laugh a little. When we arrived I offered to pay some of the cost and he refused and we agreed that we would pay it forward. How nice to run across a person like this in life. If I did not make my call when I did for a rental at the exact place I did to have him near to hear me just before he walked off to get his car we would not have found a car. That was God looking out for us and like a wonderful Father, He kept us safe and got us to where we needed to go. Thank you God. ps we awoke to a real Blessing too.... Molly at 6 am to play with and watch Backyardagins, I love it.

Day out

Well a lot has happened since my last post for those of you still checking in, so I apologize. That being said, Sunday was Father's Day and my oldest son asked me what I would like to do. I shared with him how I have not swung a golf club in two years and would like to know if I still can. When I had a full working body I sucked so at least now I can have an excuse. Just kidding. Anyway he took me to a driving range and we got a full bucket of balls. My first one was a clean miss, second one the ball went directly to the wall protector (for the other golfer) and then to the field. My third one was worse yet as it hit the protector went straight up and 'back' about fifteen feet. Luckily no one was behind me. My son made a few suggestions and I adjusted my position and with some encouragement from my son my next two shots went straight at least. I only hit about one third of the bucket but when I finished hitting I was able to drive a ball about 100 yards and hit about 60 yards with an iron. So my game plan is to do some more driving and then maybe try to play a couple of par 3 holes on a real course!

I also had my physical therapy on Monday and it was fatiguing. I actually was not able to do as many as I normally have done. In some ways a lot of it is emotionally still catching up and affecting me. I was up last night, as has been the case normally, with my leg experiencing discomfort to the point that I am unable to sleep.

TIRED

That says it all for sure. After a long drive home I was welcomed homed to a lawn that needed to be mowed in our 85+ degree heat. With my brace and all it was hard to finish the lawn as my old friend pain was there. As I was trying to finish mowing I was thinking about all that lies before me. Closing up my old office for my practice, trying to paint my house, keep the lawn up, clean up the house for selling, teaching and working with clients. I am tired, worn and ready to sleep but that too does not seem to come too nice lately. I know and realize the bottom line is it is up to me and I have to fine a way to work it out. As I learned from someone one sixteen years ago, "God didn't bring me this far to drop me now." I firmly believe that.

Time away

Well today I spend the day learning more of the specifics concerning interpreting psychological evaluations. Sitting with a room full of colleagues discussing the numbers, variables, norms, stats and such concerning the evaluation. It actually felt so good to be sitting amongst my colleagues talking about topics that are important to me. You see they had this conference a year ago to, in Cleveland, Ohio, and I was registered for it but had to cancel due to the discovery of my tumor. So here I am one year later and I am attending as if life had gone on. I have people around me all the time asking me, "Do you realize how much you have been through and how well you are doing?" I guess the answer is no. Well tomorrow it is off to home. It was so nice to be able to be part of this today.

Good bye

Well today was the day, my last day in my office. I know that when a door closes God opens another and I know He will do that. If there is a bit of a change in direction so be it. He has always taken care of me, looked out for my best interest. My nights have and continue to be terrible. Last night I woke up after a few hours of sleep yet again but I was able to fall back asleep. Unfortunately I woke up two hours later and my leg was in such pain I couldn't fall back asleep so I had to get up. I really wish I could sleep through the night more than at most once a week. Maybe this will be a new piece of my life that I need to get use to. No matter what I know for a fact that God has a plan in all of this so I will step forward.

Moving day

Well today was moving day for my office. I had some help which made it great and a lot easier! I broke down my two big wall shelf units, moved the two large wooden file cabinets, and more. Bottom line is today a lot of memories, eleven years worth, were moved from the office to my house. This Wednesday will be my last day in my current office. I am not really sure what the future will hold for me in this area right now, so I guess it is stepping out in faith. What is in the future I will embrace to the best of my ability. I just think back to one year ago when all I had was the terrible seizure activity wishing somehow some way it would end. I have an interesting week ahead.

Moving & Painting

Well today was productive for me. I moved all the books from my office to my house. I can hardly believe all the books I have read over the years in my pursuit of my PhD in psychology and to stay up to date. I ended up packing nine boxes all together. One more phase of the many I have to do to close the old practice down. I will still counsel and help people it will just have a new look to it, kind of like I have a new look to me.

Once home I was able to do some more painting. I am chipping away at the house so I can finally put it up for sale. I hope to do some more painting on it tomorrow. I was tired from all the work but it felt nice to get it accomplished. My leg muscles, the upper quads, hurt a lot after I am up and on my feet with my brace after a few hours. I learned about the names of the muscles from my physical therapist. I have found that because I try to use my right leg to compensate and have it do the majority of supporting it too hurts. So bottom line is both of my legs upper quads hurt after hours on them, but I also realize I have to get somethings accomplished so I push forward. Now I lay me down for rest.

June 11

Today was to be a busy day for me, I had a visit with someone jailed and do some more to close up my office. My night last night was more restful than the previous five nights so that was good, though still interrupted I was at least able to stay in bed all night. This morning as I headed out early to start my day I met with a new counselor who I am supervising and then for my jail visit. As I was waiting for the doors to be unlocked so I could go in I was thinking of my situation as was leaning on my cane. After a few minutes I looked over to see a man sleeping on a bench who was just waking up for the morning sun, as he was homeless. Suddenly I thought of how much God has and continues to Bless me, how much I do have in life today.

Once finished I headed off to try and do some more moving with my office. As I said earlier I am doing a lot to close the practice down as it is today. Hard in some ways yet necessary in all ways. Once home which was early afternoon I was back down on the couch and worn out in need of my afternoon nap. My energy level is still way low so I will rest for the remainder of the day.

Still learning

Today was a learning experience yet again. I noticed how I am more and more looking for things in my daily life to make life liveable because of my paralysis. I was able to move a lot of files from my office to my home in re-locating my practice as I have to. When I got home I was able to mow the lawn and trim it. My nights are still interrupted and the leg is painful during the night, I am hoping that tonight will be a restful one. I am not sure if it is me doing too much or something else. I know that the doors continue to open of those wanting help from me, which makes me feel good.

another day

Rain today was a welcomed blessing because it meant I could not pain the house so I could rest. I am really thankful for my students as they are a great group this session. I am still facing the packing up and moving of my practice but I firmly believe that it will all work together the way it should. I can see the hand of God in it as He is opening doors and sending me signs on a regular basis that this is the right direction, it is His direction. So as in the past I will follow. I was so tired when I finally got home this afternoon I was out on the couch sleeping for awhile and it felt good.

good day

Well here it is a start of another week. Class went well and I will admit that the students I have are fantastic which I find unusual as there are 26 of them. After class I came home and did some more painting. I also had a fellow brother stop by and assisted me with painting. I will admit the color looks nice. Over all not a bad day. My foot hurts from wearing the brace so much but the healing time is short.

Rainy Sunday

Well yesterday was paint day for me. I was able to paint about 20% of the back of the house. I figured that was not too bad by myself. I discovered how it was to paint with my new restrictions and it wasn't too bad. I will do it as piece work as much as I can until I cannot do any more. At that point I will have to rely upon others, just as my practice.

I ended my lease and will be closing my office in mid June which is a VERY emotional experience for me. Going to college as an adult with children and getting a bachelor and master in business / administration only to be led by God to switch directions. Switch to Mental health masters and a phd in psychology was different focus. I put it all in His hands and from day one I grew from a part time office to full time small office to a modern office in a prime location. After a few more steps ( all of which covers a span of twelve years ) I ended up in a double office with a waiting room and all. It was something I was in awe of every time I went to counsel / help people of what my walk in this ministry had brought me to. It was a long progressive walk and now I am faced with packing everything up and saying good bye to it. I will still practice part time but drastically reduced to bare bones. I am trying to focus on getting my house ready to sell and close up my practice as it currently exists, it feels like a lot. As I look at the weeks ahead what was with help has changed. I will have some scattered help but I know He has a plan and God is behind it all. He saw me and grew my practice and He is there now with a plan, I know that. So bottom line somehow I am not sure how, but somehow I will get the office boxed up and done in the next two weeks. I guess as I am writing this I am thinking I should not be saying good-bye but rather 'hello' to the new normal.

Today my oldest, Tim, had his wedding reception pig roast as everyone has come back from Italy. It was great and enjoyable. One more thing I would have missed, what a blessing and a gift today was.

Let the painting begin

As many know I must sell the house because all of the stairs are too much for me. I knew one day I would get to an age and desire a ranch style house, so the time came a bit sooner than I had planned on. Having to sell means preparing the house and with my left leg I am finding that to be very demanding upon me. I still have not found someone to mow the lawn so I will keep looking. Well after obtaining all of the supplies I have officially stated that tomorrow will begin the painting of the outside of the house. As of today I have one possible helper for tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how much I can paint and how demanding it may be. I was able to get my pool up and running and the water is fairly clear so that is good. I am hoping to use it for exercise on my leg. It will also be a help in selling the house, I hope. Unfortunately last night was a repeat of sleep or lack of. Well enough for today, let the sun go down and rest for the night.

Summertime

Well here is my few day update. My summer class has begun and every student showed up and it appears to be a great bunch of students. My last few nights have been very unsettled though. Last night I would sleep for about 30 minutes wake up and repeat the cycle until about 2 am. When I woke up then my left leg ached so bad I had to get up and just walk (hobble) around for a little bit before returning for some much needed sleep. I have refrained from posting too many negatives because I don't want people to think I am a complainer and not grateful or that I don't see the Blessing in life. That being said, the brace burns into my foot on top and bottom after a few hours because the left foot wants to twist. I came home Tuesday and every time my left foot touched down on anything it was if I was stepping on a hotplate that burned into my foot. My ankle has been quite sore too, so tonight I put some ice on it to soothe it a bit. The good news is I am alive to see the ruins of Rome, the beauty of Firenze (Florence), the waves of Kauai with my wife, my son get married, his beautiful bride and her smile on that special day and soon I get to see that special granddaughter Molly if a few weeks. I have so much to be grateful for and I am. There is pain and I am learning that some of this as it is coming up on one year is possibly going to be part of my new normal as Kate said in the beginning. Hurt, pain, discomfort, lack of sleep, head aches is all out done by the Blessings that God puts in front of me everyday.