Facing the week

I had some interesting thoughts this weekend. As I wind down my classes, reading research papers and prepping for their last tests it is a busy time. I thought I would share where I am at in some ways with my healing. When I wake in the morning and a lot of times through out the day, when my brace is not on, the left foot swings left to right at a high rate when I go up or down the stairs. If the muscles in the left leg are tensed up the foot can go into its movement for about 30 seconds all on its own. If Beth sees if I ask her, "Can you do that?" I try to make a joke of it. From what I understand it is the neurons connecting and looking around. The other thing is when I go down or up the stairs or just plain walk without my brace, it is like playing pin the tail on the donkey. Eyes closed, blindfolded and put the tail on him. You aim the best you can and then hope. Well I do the same with placing my left foot. The difference is that I have my eyes open but the effort is the same. I go to place my left foot but it has a mind of its own and lands 'close' to where I am aiming. Unfortunately it is not where I want it but I am getting better at getting closer. So I am working at improving this and we will see what happens.

My brace, I am not sure if I have shared much about that. It allows me to bring my foot up but restricts me from bending it downward. The brace runs along the bottom of my foot so it stays flat and does not twist to a 45 degree angle with the right side going up. The brace runs up to just below my knee. The brace is in a 'C' shape and encompasses the back and sides of my left leg. There are three straps to hold it in place, one at the top, one above the ankle and the last one goes right across the top of the foot at the base of the foot. A problem is when I wear that brace for eight or more hours which is at least three days a week the foot and leg gets weary. It is cumbersome to walk with, hard to pick the leg and foot up to take a step. When I take the brace off the foot is really swollen and puffy. I don't want any sympathy but I did want to share what my life is like. Though the brace is my friend it is also my enemy in that it causes me discomfort and pain at the end of a day, along with frustration during the day as I struggle to walk.

Tomorrow after my teaching I will go to my physical therapy and see how I do. Andy said I am making improvements still so I will go forward. My goal is two fold, one is I want to be able to snorkel again as I love it and the second one is to be able to drive a standard shift again which is my 88 Trans AM. If it is His will that I gain neither that is OK with me it really is. Why? Because I have many other blessings that I will embrace and treasure. I do know that my normal routine is to put up the Christmas lights but not this year. I guess one reason to write this is to help those around me understand that my world is easy for some to put out of their mind but that does not end my struggle to walk, step or move. It is difficult but getting easier. I am beginning to ask myself, "OK am I at a point where I learn to live with where my disability is at? Do I look at how I need to compensate from this point forward?" or "Do I not accept where I am as healed and say with enthusiasm that I can push therapy harder and make larger gains."

No matter I will and am pushing forward and will continue to try to gain more movement and power over my leg and foot. I want to enjoy little Molly and any other future grandchildren that may be coming. They are so valuable and adorable.